I’m feeling pretty good today, so I’m calling this a milestone day.

We had a beautiful full moon the other night. Swim workouts are outside now and it really is the best way to wake up and get the day going. I”m about to go on a big trip to Japan with Paul (Tera’s goal for the boys was to visit a foreign country during high school like she did). We are a couple weeks into the summer and finding a groove for our schedules. Warmer mornings, days, and evenings are really nice. All of it adds to improved mental state.

I told myself a while ago there are a couple songs that would be milestone days if I could listen to these songs without getting emotional.

One of those songs is “Don’t Take The Girl” by Tim McGraw. It’s an older song, early 90s or so. I thought of that song this morning and was immediately taken back to Tera’s hospital bed about 3am or so when that song came to mind. I truly asked God to not take the girl and take me instead. The boys and the world would certainly be better off with her in it rather than me. She was doing great things at her work, and she was certainly no-questions the better parent. God still took the girl.

So I got Tim McGraw’s Greatest Hits pulled up on Amazon. On that same Tim McGraw Greatest Hits album is “For a Little While.” I listened to that first and it made me smile and feel warm love of Tera’s memory.

And I laugh every time I start to think about us
We sent that summer out in style
And she's gone but she let me with a smile
'Cause she was mine for a little while

I keep seein' pictures now
Of me and her and those summer nights
My mind fills with her
Oh, but it's alright

'Cause I laugh every time I start to think about us
We sent that summer out in style
And she's gone but she let me with a smile
'Cause she was mine

Yeah she was mine
Oh, for a little while
Yeah

Also on that album is “My Next 30 Years.” That song was out on the radio when we started dating, so I listened to that. And I smiled and felt warm love and memories of Tera. And us driving down the 60 near Riverside, CA at 80mph in big traffic and me getting the pebble ice from Classic 50’s caught in my throat and nearly choking but saying “Don’t worry. It’ll melt. This has happened before.” and Tera laughing so hard. Good memories. And no tears when I think about it.

Oh, my next 30 years
I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers, huh
Maybe, I'll remember my next 30 years
My next 30 years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here
In my next 30 years

We didn’t make it a full 30 years.

So I’m resetting my clock I guess, and today is as good as any.

I didn’t get my miracle. God took the Girl. And today I am remembering with warm love instead of full-on grief. I’ll take it.